This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We got so high we made milksteak
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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