They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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