he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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