I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize