you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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