i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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