Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
