I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
