So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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