is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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