Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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