NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize