Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
