even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
