i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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