i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
