Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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