update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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