We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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