the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
too bad you live with your parents still
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
