Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
