just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize