loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
