I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
