that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize