speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
