Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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