Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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