I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
