I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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