just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
