Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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