What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
last night I used snow as a chaser
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize