in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
