are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
