i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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