I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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