thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
