I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
