so that wasnt chicken after all
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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