he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
In America we eat man semen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
