I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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