Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
