Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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