Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
