Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
