I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The ass gains better be worth it
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