If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
