i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's the barista slut.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
