Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
