Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
