it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize