Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
