dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize