it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
