remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
