where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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