I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
