I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize