Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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