The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize