In the future we'll all be gay
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
