Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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