Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
