OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
