She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
