I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
