Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
