My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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