I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
