I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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