Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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