Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize